In people’s own perspective view, they are the main characters of their own story. It is up to them to decide their own decisions and conflictions.
I bet there is even an invisible narrator who is describing my life. You know, like in some movies, there are these “unknown” people narrating other people’s life, I found it quite satisfying and I even adapt that idea to reality. As I am completely overdosed with movies, television shows and books, I began to see my life as if it was a movie, but not scripted. Probably a reality television show wherein this time, the cameraman is very good at hiding.
However, I also imagined that there are people watching my life while eating popcorn, or maybe a bag of gummy bears- I know it sounded uncanny, but these “people” could feel weary and bored at some point, that’s why it’s up to me to make my life more enthralling because I don’t want my existence to be another cliché movie.
As I do consider myself an extraordinaire, I always have the sudden urge to do or say something that would either make me sound like a comedian or a gothic person, but due to me being an apprehensive person- it can be difficult. I tend to cringe at memories that are regrettable. I kept on repeating them and it’s destroying my acting career. (Ha- I’m being dramatic.) Plus, I am an introvert- my whole world is in my head. In reality, I am a shy, hesitant, soft-spoken being who easily get frightened. (Well, depending on the people that perceived me.) But in my own mind, I am more than that, I am majestic. My mind is screaming so loudly that only me, myself could hear it, yet nobody else would be able to.
Then, I began brooding, would it be better if these “people” are watching my imagination than my existence? I mean- I am the cameraman of my own mind, but I felt that reality is also rolling too. How could you film a person who is filming her own utopia? If only the cameraman could jump inside my head and film everything- I wouldn’t be dull person. My head is always in the clouds, and coming back down to earth can be eerie to me.
Nevertheless, I want these “people” to see my actual self- the personality that is in my mind. I don’t want them to depict me as a typical, average girl because that wouldn’t be me. However, expressing it verbally can turn out to be an indecipherable colloquy. I think I would rather make and do the bucket list than ensuring the other characters would remember me as an extraordinary person. In that case, maybe that could already be a part of my bucket list- remembering me as an extraordinarie.
We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? ‘Cause it was, you know, it was the best.
-Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who)
Anyways, I’ll just continue being who I am. I am not really solemn about this weird situation, I could only expose my actual self to a few people. Being an enigma would probably be the next thing I would go for, but since I have shared my contemplation with you- being different is what I aimed to be.