She too, tried

From the top to the bottom,
to my shoes, to my sole,
I was physically fine; my face has been defined
to be perfectly alright in such a way
you know where I would hide,
but you never seem to find exactly
where the location is because
I want to hide and I don’t want you to seek me.

I carried a book for every walk I go,
and no, I am not ignoring you,
I’m neither using it for a distraction
just to avoid pitiful you.
I just carried it, for me to read,
for me to be distracted from my own thoughts
that will be fought by me, but I swear I won’t stop
until I realised how I ought to be another person
you often felt pity, nevertheless, guilty
for that statement, you said that made me feel
like I am in judgement day.

I tried laughing, I tried talking, I tried breathing,
I even tried sitting next to someone
that will change my mind this instant.
I tried, positively.
I even tried to be the optimist’s daughter
who is conscious that she too is optimistic.
I tried, but I’m just tired.
You can leave me to be or I’ll let you continue
but remember, that won’t be the end of me.
There are so many things in this world,
I think I may have unnecessarily seen
too many of them, too many matters
that cannot be unseen.


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